After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
