wrigley field is MILF paradise
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
