Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
