I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
please come you make the beer taste better
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
