she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
