I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
