i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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