You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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