i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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