peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
