He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
