I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
