Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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