Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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