I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
