I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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