Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
