There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
