Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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