Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
