my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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