I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
