why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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