did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
