Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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