His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
