It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
