Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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