So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize