Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
