Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
