Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
