im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
