Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
