Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
