i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
