i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
