tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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