Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
