she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Damn victory sex feels great
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
