You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
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Do I have a choice?
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Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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