White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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