White coat. Heels.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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