and she was petting her beer can
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
