3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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