she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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