Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
