If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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