I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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