I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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