Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
