You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
