Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
