Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
