pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
cat food counts as protein by the way
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
