my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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