True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
