i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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