i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
