I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
sarcasm needs its own font
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
