Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
