Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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