You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
