im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
