More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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