Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
love makes seman taste better
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
