I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize