And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
