does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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