He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize